Progress, not perfection

Several of you have commented that I am being too hard on myself. And me being me, I denied that. "Well they only see a part of me in these blogs" I thought. The rest of the time, I'm not too hard on myself.

I went to the yoga and meditation retreat at Kripalu and as I was going into one of the first yoga poses and thinking, "I don't know if I can still do this as well as I used to be able to" the teacher said, "why don't you all try to get a 'c' in this class?" "Don't try to learn everything, just take a few things home with you." When we were meditating the teacher commented that after thirty years of meditating her mind still scampered around like a puppy and she was still 'practicing' the art of meditation.

My friend Harry likes to use those ACOA slogans and one he uses a lot is "progress, not perfection."

So finally the message has begun to sink in- it might be a good idea to aim for a 'c'; it might be a good idea to accept progress and not aim for perfection; it might be a good idea to lighten up on myself and to embrace my imperfection.

Sometimes such simple ideas have such profound results. Embracing imperfection not only allows me to make mistakes and to forgive myself , it allows me to be more aware of my errors and foibles and to address them. Lately when I make a mistake, I think 'okay what can I learn from this?" and I'm less and less upset with myself over the mistake.

Since Kripalu, I've done yoga and meditated every day. I've gone through long periods of doing these two over the years. The difference now though is I no longer feel I have to look like the yoga model in the textbook. It is okay if my hand is not flat on the floor when I do a stretch. But more importantly, instead of stressing on the perfection of the pose, I can focus my attention on the spiritual aspects of yoga and learn more about my body and how I am connected to this universe.

It is the same with meditation. In the past, I would get so frustrated with my mind scampering all over the place, that I would just quit, saying "I can't do this." Well they don't call it a 'meditation practice' for no reason. When I meditate, it is just that a 'practice'. Embracing my imperfection allows me to gently and softly take my mind by the hand when it wanders and bring it back to my breathing or the focus of that particular meditation. And not getting angry or frustrated about it, makes me aware of the benefits of meditation and thus, I keep doing it.

By the way, one meditation I do is called a metta meditation. Many of you probably know it. But it is a meditation in which you bless yourself and others with peace, contentment, serenity, grace, harmony and so on. I include each of you in each of those metta meditations as a way to thank for your reading and responses.

Embracing imperfection in myself allows me to embrace it in others. We were talking last night about school costs and my brother asked me how much my Dad gave me for college and I knew the answer immediately, "thirty five dollars" I replied. Not exactly generous, but he comes with his own agenda. We all do. I can get mad at 'S' for not telling me about her cult. I can get angry with 'K' not telling me she was in love with a married guy. I can get mad at my dad for being cheap. Or I can recognize that we all come with an agenda. None of us is perfect and let it go at that. In my opinion, when people lie, cheat, sneak, or are cheap and cruel they are afraid. They are afraid of their own imperfection and they are afraid that others will see and recognize their imperfection so they behave in ways to deny to themselves that there might be a problem.

I'm not suggesting anything goes. I think we have an obligation to ourselves and each to be honest, compassionate, and make an attempt to improve. I think too though that focusing on progress and letting go of a goal of perfection makes it easier for us to be good human beings. It makes it easier to make progress.

And I think I'm making progress and that is good enough for me.

Thanks for reading.