Thirty days; three understandings

I’ve been writing this blog for about a month now. During that time I have also been attending ACOA meetings and reading and focusing on daily meditations from Melanie Beattie’s The Language of Letting Go as well as The Language of Tao (I can’t recall the author’s name). I’ve read several books on personal growth too. As a result, I’ve come to understand a few things and I want to share them.

First, personal growth is a huge undertaking. I think learning about yourself is vast and takes a lifetime. It is like learning to surf, or about wine, or learning a new language. When you begin and you have learned just a little bit, you run the risk of thinking you’ve mastered your subject. It is only with time and more learning that you realize how little you really know and much further you have to go. A lifetime to go.

I preface my comments here by admitting how ‘green’ I am at this because I want to make sure I realize that current understandings are just that….current and simple understandings.

I don’t know anything.

I expect and hope that these understandings will change and grow over time.
On the other hand, I don’t want to trivialize what I’ve learned. I believe these understandings are basic and fundamental, but true and strong. I believe in them and have faith that they will stand the test of time and scrutiny.

Letting go is my first understanding. What do I have to let go of? I am not sure, but it may be everything. In her book, Beattie lists the following things to let go of – anger, being a victim, chaos, confusion, denial, fear, fear of abandonment, guilt, naivete, need to control, old beliefs, perfection, resistance, sadness, self criticism, self-doubt, shame, the past, those not in recovery, timing, urgency, what we want, and worry. Whew!

Letting go is allowing life to unfold without an attempt to control the outcome. Letting go requires a belief that things always work out for the best.

When I let go, I can be here now and appreciate the moment. When I let go, I can feel calm and serene. When I let go, I don’t have to plan. When I let go, I don’t have to worry. When I let go, I don’t have to suppose, fret, question, examine, or review.
I can simply observe, feel and be.

The second fundamental I have come to understand is the importance of gratitude. This is actually not a new one for me. I have had the great fortune of having had two major and serious illnesses in my life. When I was 22 I spent a year recuperating from hepatitis. When I was 31 I contracted sarcoidosis (I know I’d never heard of it either) and had to have lung surgery and have a pacemaker implanted. Again, it took a year to recover.

Both of those illnesses made me realize how much just simple, good health meant. After spending weeks in the hospital, I remember being so grateful in having the strength to get out of bed and simply sit outside and feel the sunshine.

Those illnesses had a profound effect on me in terms of gratitude. I became more appreciative of what I have. It made me aware that each and every day, no matter how mundane or hard is a very special gift. Gratitude is my way of saying thank you for that gift.

Gratitude has a diffusing quality. When I am upset or angry, I can stop and think, “what is good about this situation?” or ‘things could always be worse” and suddenly things don’t seem so bad.
Gratitude is a magical tool. It can turn frustration into satisfaction; turn failure into success; anger into serenity; denial into acceptance.

The third understanding I have is that I need to practice. I already have the tools to live a healthy productive life. What I need to keep in mind is that I need to use these tools every day. Practice allows me to get better at letting go and feeling gratitude. More importantly, practice makes the responses of letting go and feeling gratitude automatic so that when circumstances are challenging my first response is to use these tools……letting go and gratitude.

So thanks for reading.